Something substantial
Something of a heft
Tell a story

Once upon a time
There was one holy catholic and apostolic church
That taught the young
To dread the loss of heaven and the pains of hell
And to avoid the near occasion
Of offense to God
Who is all good
And deserving of all love

And somebody once designated me
Anti-Christian
But I do not oppose Christianity
But merely acknowledge
The great departure

The departure of love
Of deserving
Of God
Of heaven
Even of loss
And I am left
With dread

The dread of pain
Of hell
Of offense
Especially of that which is all good
For who can conceive of or tolerate
Such crystalline perfection
Even in the light of one’s own wickedness
So partial
So impure
So mediocre

I punished myself when I was young
Punching my chest to stop my heart
Ineffectual blasphemy
Failure to usurp divine authority
I didn’t punch hard enough
Hatred vitiated by pity

Don’t expect substance
Don’t expect heft
If you lack the will
To go all the way
Unforgivable cowardice

Ruined at the outset
Craving approval
And deserving none
Begging for mercy
And hearing silence or condemnation
And who was ever motivated
By command

And yet behold the multitude
Cheerful in simple faith
Bemused no doubt by one
Unwilling to take the simple first step
Or the last

Something worth a damn
Something to be proud of
Deadly pride that twists the heart
Something substantial

And now we find ourselves in a great emergency
That demands bold action
That disdains a whimpering child
In the guise of an oafish greybeard
That demands something heftier
Than a tale of piteous contempt
Violent aversion
And self-serving blame