I removed my beard just days before the Capitol breach
I did the same on the eve of the Twin Towers’ fall
I must have had an inkling though I am no prophet
That bearded men were up to no good

True bearded Socrates and bearded Jesus
Bearded Lincoln and Leonardo true
And MLK had his little mustache
And Freddy Mercury had his toward the end

Clean-shaven Jefferson and bearded Lee
Both Virginians both owned slaves
Greeley’s face-frame scraped smooth in the front
Douglass’s impressive growth turned a dignified grey

Charioted Assyrians showed their beards
And Alexandrians rode bearded to conquest
But emperor Caesar and Pharaoh’s host went smooth-faced
So there’s really no correlation

But why the display of what men can do
It’s either shave or let it grow
Adult male on average larger than the female
More powerful in recorded times more strong for harm